Have you ever asked yourself, what is the point of life?
No matter who you are, or what you believe, I’m sure at some point you have found yourself contemplating your life, and life in general, and asking yourself; What is the point of life? Why are we here? What is the meaning of it all?
I find myself in that same stage right now, a few days after my 33rd birthday. I don’t think my birthday was a catalyst for this feeling, but rather everything that has been happening throughout this year.
You see, I’ve told my story quite a few times, but if you don’t know it, let me catch you up.
In 2014, I gave birth to my son, and shortly afterwards I developed post-partum depression. I didn’t realise it at the time and thought it was all the new mom hormones. After a year I realised that I was struggling but I couldn’t figure out why. Motherhood is hard, we know this, but it felt like my world was crashing down around me.
It felt like I wasn’t coping with the smallest of things and I began to feel like a useless, pathetic excuse for a mother and wife. I started to feel guilty for bringing him into this world, that was filled with so much negativity, and I was angry all the time. It only got worse. I cried all the time, I was miserable and felt like a failure in every sense of the word. Motherhood, marriage, career… I was failing at all of them.
At the end of 2015 I saw a doctor and was diagnosed with depression, officially, and placed on medication. I also started therapy. I then entered Mrs South Africa, something I’d always wanted to do, and feeling so desperate for accomplishment, I went for it. In a completely unexpected turn of events, I was chosen as a semi-finalist.
Mrs South Africa did a few things for me.
- It introduced me to women who I am happy to say, I still call friends. Better friends than I’ve had my whole life.
- It introduced me to women who wanted me to succeed, women who had already accomplished great things in business, modeling, or whatever field they were in.
- It reminded me that I was worthy of accomplishing great things and that they chose me for a reason, because they believed I had something to offer.
- It introduced me to a world that was much more than I expected it to be. Pageantry is not something I think I will continue to participate in (time will tell), but it was an incredible experience. It built my confidence, it taught me about so much more than just looking good on the outside. It taught me to go out and show people what I was made of, and it made me happy when people underestimated me, because I could teach them a lesson in judging a book by it’s cover.
Once the competition was over, I was terrified of losing that feeling of motivation and excitement. I was also extremely interested in introducing other women to the feeling I felt over the first two days at semi-final conference. That feeling of sitting there, defeated and out of place, to suddenly realising that I could actually do whatever I wanted to. That feeling of watching other women succeeding, and as they’re talking to you, and inspiring you, you start sitting up straighter, holding your head higher, and you feel yourself being filled with ambition to reach that same height. We should ALL have the opportunity to feel that way.
I then started working on the Power Woman Project, which was initially called Princess Boot Camp. I wanted to bring teen girls together for an internal & external makeover. Princess Boot Camp quickly evolved into the Power Women Project as it became clear what young women were really after, and that was to feel POWERFUL! To love themselves, to be confident, to make good decisions about their future, to defend themselves, to feel beautiful inside & out.
It has not been easy. It has been extremely difficult to find the right structure in which to run this project. I have had many cancelled workshops due to lack of interest. However, I continue to keep in mind that we’re not even a year old yet, and I have MANY more women to reach. Our Facebook page has 3000 likes, which is awesome, but we’re millions of young women in this country. It’s going to take time.
Back to the issue at hand
I spend a lot of time feeling defeated and wondering if I’m ever going to make this work. Every time I think of putting the idea to bed, there is a nagging feeling inside that tells me to try one more time. I know it sounds so cliche, but it’s the truth. It’s the one idea I’ve ever had that will not go away. I think that means something.
So why am I still asking, what is the point of life? Well, sometimes it all seems kind of futile doesn’t it? Honestly. We go through life, we do what we do, and we all die. Money, fame, power, your fancy car… no longer important because you’re no longer here. Is the point to go to heaven (if you believe in that) – ok, but then why not go now? I am not religious and don’t believe in heaven or hell, so that’s a moot point for me. In my mind, I need to make the absolute best of the time I have here, because when it’s over, it’s over. I don’t see that as a negative.
Maybe I was chasing the wrong thing
I think this feeling has really come from the upheaval in my career and finances. If I’m honest, I’ve felt “successful” if I was earning a salary. Now, I’m responsible for earning my own money, and all entrepreneurs will tell you, it’s not easy and it takes time. Have I been basing my happiness and purpose JUST in the amount reflected on my paycheck, all this time? The more you earn, the more you’re worth, the “better” you seem to other people, because you have a nice phone, a nice car and nice clothes? I do NOT deny that money plays a vital role in our lives, because we need it to eat, and live. I do think however, that it’s no surprise that I am no questioning my very existence on this earth, simply because I no longer get a paycheck, and my husband is taking care of that while I build this passion project.
And therein lies the answer, I need to remind myself that I am building this project to make other women’s lives better, and while I’m doing that, remind myself that I have purpose OUTSIDE of how much money I’m making, because ultimately, money doesn’t define you. What you stand for defines you. How you treat people defines you.
I came across the quote above while reading up a bit about this topic, and I found the answer really profound.
Maybe there isn’t ONE “point” or a meaning. Perhaps, the point of life is different for everyone. Maybe, while we’re here, we should just do what we can to make it better for others. Maybe we should be doing something that helps, or serves others. Perhaps that is the point, to make someone else’s life better. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so perhaps all we can really do is make the best of today. Do your best, make someone else feel good, go to bed with a peaceful heart, knowing you did what you could, today.
What gives your life meaning?